This time no rising up....

Slowly drowning in my sorrow
Wishing things would be better tomorrow
Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,
gradually sinking and gasping for air.


Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off
Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.
Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact
out of fear of how those close to me, might react.


Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a woman, burry themselves deep in my head
As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.
Due to the fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,
makes me afraid and let out defeated sighs.


Since it seems like things will always be this way,
its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.
Yet, when my quandaries are more than I can bare,
I can at least take comfort in those who really care.


You know who you are, and so do I.
That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge, from giving up and giving in.
Slowly slipping in a deep dark pit,
 i find my self near the end of my life,


 i thank my friends and family for everything they have done to help me over
 the years with my aching pain, 
i remain, unknown and i don't want to share my feelings, thoughts,
 knowing it will only make others sad, 


i've only made it so far thanks to my girl friend, 
shes a lovely woman, happy glaring smile whenever i see 
she makes me have a new lease on life, 
now i'm here sitting at home typing this out, 


i feel so alone because no one is here beside,
 my friends and my family have gone 
And i'm here stuck in my deep dark pit..


I know this time there is no rising for me, 
all i am doing is fooling the senses around me ...
Every step i am taking is pushing me back,
I can't rise again because i can't have it what all it take....